Navigating the Emotional Struggles of Breastfeeding

Today, we will discuss the sometimes-choppy waters of the emotional struggles of breastfeeding.

While breastfeeding can be a wonderful experience, it’s also common to have a wide range of feelings as you navigate feeding your baby. From happiness and love to exhaustion and worry, it’s a journey that can bring many emotions. It’s important to know that whatever you are feeling is valid.

Let’s explore these emotional struggles of breastfeeding together. Guess what? You are SO not alone in feeling all the feels!

Expectation vs. Reality in Breastfeeding

Let’s rewind for a second. Remember being pregnant? Those dreamy days filled with imagining your little one? It’s natural to spend tons of time thinking about the birth, meeting your baby, and how life is about to change in the most wonderful, whirlwind way.

And breastfeeding often pops up in these daydreams, right? Maybe you went to a breastfeeding class, read a book, or chatted with friends. Information is everywhere, which is great! But sometimes, it sets up this expectation that breastfeeding is this instant, intuitive thing that flows as naturally as… well, milk!

As Zoe Faulkner from Lactation Consultants of Great Britain beautifully puts it, “It’s very common to expect that breastfeeding ‘just happens’, especially if you have come from a family and community where breastfeeding is how babies are fed and nurtured.”

And in some cases, it really does feel that way! Those amazing birth hormones, especially when nature is allowed to take its course, are truly incredible. Skin-to-skin contact is like a superpower, flooding you with oxytocin – the ‘hormone of love.’ You might feel that blissful exhilaration, that overwhelming love, as your newborn snuggles close, feeding like a champ. Partners, soaking in their own oxytocin, feel that fierce protective instinct kick in. It’s like your body and baby just know what to do. You feel empowered, amazed by your body’s capabilities, and breastfeeding feels as natural as breathing!

Bumps in the Breastfeeding Road

But here’s the thing: life isn’t always a fairytale. And breastfeeding, while incredibly natural, is also a learned skill – for both you and your baby. Sometimes, the path isn’t smooth.

Maybe you weren’t sure about breastfeeding to begin with. Maybe you had doubts about your ability. Maybe the birth itself was tough, leaving you physically drained or emotionally shaken. All of this can impact how you respond to your baby’s needs, especially in those early days.

If you’ve heard stories from friends or family about low milk supply or painful breastfeeding experiences, it’s totally understandable to have your own worries creep in. As new mothers, we’re all a bit vulnerable to the stories, opinions, and information swirling around us. It can chip away at our confidence and trust in our own bodies.

And let’s be honest, sometimes things don’t go according to plan. Maybe your baby was premature, or needed medication after birth, or has a physical challenge that makes feeding trickier. Maybe you’re dealing with your own health issues. Sometimes, it’s a mix of everything! And that’s when those emotional struggles of breastfeeding can really bubble up.

The Emotional Whirlwind: What Feelings?

So, what kind of emotions are we talking about? Buckle up, because it’s a full spectrum!

Frustration and Overwhelm:	Latch issues, cluster feeding, engorgement, mastitis… the physical challenges can be incredibly frustrating and overwhelming. When breastfeeding feels like a constant battle, it’s easy to feel defeated.
Exhaustion (Beyond the Usual New Mom Tired):	Breastfeeding is demanding, especially in the early weeks. Night feeds, daytime feeds, growth spurts… sleep deprivation is a real thing, and it impacts everything, including your emotions.
Anxiety and Worry (Is Baby Getting Enough?):	This is a HUGE one! “Is my milk supply enough?” “Is baby gaining weight?” The constant worry can be incredibly stressful and contribute to postpartum anxiety.
Guilt (The Monster in the Closet):	Oh, guilt. That sneaky, unwelcome guest. Guilt if breastfeeding is painful, guilt if you need to supplement, guilt if you decide to wean earlier than planned, guilt if you feel like you’re “failing” at this “natural” thing. Guilt, guilt, guilt. It can be relentless!
Feelings of Inadequacy (“Why isn’t this working for me?”):	When breastfeeding isn’t easy, it’s easy to internalize it as a personal failing. You might start questioning your body, your abilities as a mother. “Everyone else makes it look so easy, why am I struggling so much?”
Sadness and Disappointment:	If breastfeeding doesn’t work out the way you hoped, it’s okay to feel sad and disappointed. You might grieve the breastfeeding experience you envisioned.

Increased Cortisol Levels:	The stress of breastfeeding challenges can actually elevate cortisol levels, the stress hormone. High cortisol levels can contribute to anxiety, depression, and that overall feeling of being on edge.

And here’s the kicker: these emotional struggles of breastfeeding aren’t just “in your head.” They are deeply connected to your physical health, your mental health, and your overall well-being. Ignoring them is like ignoring a blinking warning light on your car’s dashboard.

Societal Pressure, Limited Support

Let’s zoom out for a moment and look at the bigger picture. We live in a society that often says breastfeeding is best, but doesn’t always support breastfeeding mothers in a truly meaningful way.

Think about it:

• Limited Paid Parental Leave: Returning to work too soon puts immense pressure on breastfeeding. Pumping at work, juggling childcare and work demands – it’s a LOT.

• Lack of Public Breastfeeding Support: Not enough comfortable, private places to breastfeed in public? Feeling judged for nursing in public? Yeah, that adds to the stress.

• Formula Marketing: Formula is readily available, heavily marketed, and often presented as an “easy” alternative. This can undermine mothers’ confidence in their own milk and breastfeeding abilities.

• Unrealistic Expectations: Social media often showcases the picture-perfect side of breastfeeding, making it seem effortless for everyone else. This can fuel feelings of inadequacy when your own journey is more challenging.

• Limited Access to Skilled Support: Lactation consultants, breastfeeding support groups, and pediatric professionals knowledgeable about breastfeeding aren’t always easily accessible or affordable for everyone.

As Zoe Faulkner emphasizes, we need “societal support to help them breastfeed for as long as they wish.” It’s not just about individual mothers “trying harder.” It’s about creating a system that truly values and supports breastfeeding.

Finding Your Village: Power of Care

Okay, deep breath. It can feel overwhelming, right? But here’s the good news: you are not alone, and there is help and hope.

The most important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself. Seriously. Breastfeeding is a journey, not a destination. It’s okay if it’s not perfect. It’s okay if it’s hard. It’s okay if it looks different from what you imagined.

Here are some things that can make a HUGE difference:

Connect with Other Mothers:	Join breastfeeding support groups online or in person. Share your experiences, read about others’ journeys, and realize you’re not the only one facing challenges. Hearing from other mothers is incredibly validating and empowering.
Seek Professional Help:	Don’t hesitate to reach out to a lactation consultant, breastfeeding specialist nurse, or your pediatrician if you’re struggling. They can offer personalized advice, address latch issues, assess milk supply, and provide emotional support. Many hospitals also offer breastfeeding clinics and support services.
Talk to Your Partner, Family, and Friends:	Let your loved ones know how you’re feeling. Ask for practical support – help with household chores, meals, or just someone to listen and offer encouragement. Partners, your support is invaluable! Offering practical help and emotional validation can make a world of difference.
Prioritize Self-Care:	Easier said than done with a newborn, right? But even small moments of self-care can refill your cup. Take a warm shower, go for a walk (even just around the block!), read a book, listen to music, or just sit quietly for a few minutes. Taking care of your mental health is crucial.
Remember Your “Why” (and Re-evaluate if Needed):	Why did you want to breastfeed in the first place? Reminding yourself of your goals can be motivating. But also, be open to re-evaluating. If breastfeeding is consistently taking a toll on your mental health and well-being, it’s okay to adjust your plan. A happy, healthy mom is just as important as a breastfed baby.
Focus on the Positives (Even Small Wins!):	Did baby latch well today? Did you manage to pump a bit of milk? Did you have a few minutes of peaceful cuddling while nursing? Celebrate those small victories! They add up.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk:	That voice in your head saying you’re “failing”? Tell it to take a hike! You are doing an amazing job, even when it feels tough. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. “I am doing my best.” “My body is amazing.” “I am a good mother.”

Truth About Milk Supply

One of the biggest sources of anxiety? Milk supply. “Am I making enough milk?” “Is baby getting enough?” These questions plague so many breastfeeding mothers.

Here’s the truth: most women’s bodies are designed to make plenty of milk for their babies. Milk supply is based on supply and demand. The more your baby nurses (or you pump), the more milk you produce.

Signs your baby is getting enough milk (and these are much more reliable than pumping output!):

• Weight Gain: Consistent weight gain after the initial newborn weight loss. Your pediatrician will monitor this.
• Plenty of Wet and Dirty Diapers: Aim for 6+ wet diapers and 3-4+ dirty diapers in 24 hours after the first few days.
• Content Baby: Baby seems satisfied after feeds and is generally content between feeds (though newborns are still fussy sometimes!).
• Listening to Swallow: You can hear and see your baby swallowing during feeds.

If you are concerned about milk supply, talk to a lactation consultant or your pediatrician. They can assess your situation and offer evidence-based advice, rather than relying on myths and misinformation. Stress and anxiety can actually impact milk supply, so addressing your mental health is important for breastfeeding success too!

Beyond the First Few Months: Breastfeeding as Your Baby Grows

As Zoe Faulkner mentioned, “Mums who are breastfeeding at six weeks often feel that it is around this time that breastfeeding falls into place, if it hasn’t already.” And it’s true! Around 6 weeks, things often start to feel more settled. You and baby are getting the hang of things, feeds might become more predictable, and you might even feel brave enough to breastfeed out and about!

This is often when breastfeeding becomes truly enjoyable. Those calm, restful moments, the warm cuddles, the ease of feeding on demand – it’s pretty amazing. And that’s when the questions start… “How long are you going to carry on?”

The answer is: for as long as YOU and YOUR BABY want to! The UK recommendations are exclusive breastfeeding for around 6 months, and then continuing alongside complementary foods for as long as you both wish. The World Health Organisation (WHO) recommends breastfeeding for “two years and beyond.”

There’s no “right” or “wrong” answer. It’s a personal decision. And your feelings about breastfeeding ending can be just as complex as your feelings about starting.

Weaning and the End of a Breastfeeding Chapter: Bittersweet Feelings

Weaning, whenever it happens, can bring a mix of emotions. It can be a joyful milestone, marking your baby’s next stage of development. But it can also be bittersweet.

You might feel:

• Sadness and Loss: Missing those close cuddles, that unique bond of breastfeeding.
• Pride and Accomplishment: Looking back at all you’ve achieved on your breastfeeding journey, however long or short it was.
• Relief and Freedom: Especially if breastfeeding was challenging, you might feel a sense of relief at the pressure being off.
• A Sense of Letting Go: Weaning is a natural part of your baby growing up, but it can still feel like letting go of a special phase.

Whether weaning is baby-led or mother-led, gradual or sudden, it’s important to honor your feelings and your baby’s feelings. It’s a transition for both of you. As Zoe Faulkner beautifully says, “Whenever mum and baby choose to stop breastfeeding, it can be a decision that they make together, marking a new phase in their loving relationship.”

Read more: Overcoming Breastfeeding Challenges: Tips from a Breastfeeding Specialist

Celebrating Every Journey: You Are Amazing, Mothers!

So, there you have it – the rollercoaster of emotional struggles of breastfeeding. It’s real, it’s valid, and you are absolutely not alone in experiencing it.

Remember, the vast majority of women can breastfeed, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy, or that it works out exactly as planned. Problems can arise, and sometimes, despite our best efforts, breastfeeding doesn’t work out as we initially hoped. As Zoe Faulkner wisely points out, “Sometimes breastfeeding doesn’t work out as a mum had initially hoped. Women in this situation can feel as if they have failed in some way; rather, they should be praised for how they are loving and caring for their babies.”

Whether you breastfeed for a day, a week, a month, a year, or beyond – you are amazing. You are nurturing your baby, you are loving your baby, and you are doing your best. And that’s what truly matters.

Please, please, please be kind to yourself. Seek support when you need it. Celebrate your wins, big and small. And remember, fed is best – whether that’s breast milk, formula, or a combination of both. Your baby needs a happy, healthy mama more than anything else.

You are incredible, mama. Keep shining!

If you are struggling with the emotional challenges of breastfeeding, please reach out for help. Talk to your healthcare provider, a lactation consultant, or a mental health professional. You are not alone, and support is available.

Frequently Asked Questions:

What are the emotional side effects of breastfeeding?

Breastfeeding can have emotional benefits, including reduced anxiety, stress, and negative mood. Many mothers find it promotes a sense of calm and bonding. However, some may also experience emotional challenges, such as frustration or overwhelm, especially in the early weeks.

Why is breastfeeding so emotionally hard?

Breastfeeding can be emotionally challenging because it’s a learned skill that takes time and practice for both you and your baby. Difficulties with latching, positioning, or milk supply can be frustrating and may lead to feelings of self-doubt or guilt. Patience, support, and reassurance can make a big difference.

What effect does emotional stress usually have on breastfeeding?

Emotional stress can interfere with breastfeeding by inhibiting oxytocin, the hormone responsible for milk letdown. When you’re anxious or stressed, adrenaline can slow or block milk flow, making nursing more challenging. Finding ways to relax can help support a smoother breastfeeding experience.

Is it normal to struggle with breastfeeding?

Yes, it’s completely normal to struggle with breastfeeding at first. It’s a skill that both you and your baby need to learn together. If breastfeeding is painful or your baby seems unsatisfied after feeding, a shallow latch may be the issue. Seeking support can help make the process easier.

Are you more emotional when breastfeeding?

Yes, breastfeeding can make you feel more emotional due to hormonal changes after birth. Oxytocin and prolactin, the hormones responsible for lactation, can influence mood—sometimes promoting relaxation and bonding, but also leading to occasional mood swings or dips in emotion.

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